i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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