I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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