I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
