I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
