drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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