Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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