Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
