We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
