TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
