I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
