help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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