You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I want to fling myself into the sun
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
