my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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