Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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