Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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