Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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