this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
