Duck Duck Cougar?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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