people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize