a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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