she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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