Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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