If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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