Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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