no, he came in my armpit
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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