if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
