Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
