I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
