Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize