So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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