it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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