is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
