do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
