Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
