She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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