I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
