If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
