the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize