remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize