At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
