I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
