we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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