Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
