was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
