you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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