Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
