I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
