I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
