I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
