I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
