So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
