Need sex. Gaining weight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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