You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
