why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm really busy with my period
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