We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
