so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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