Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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