Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize