Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
