I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
