Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
