In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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