At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
