I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
