We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
