Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
