Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
