As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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