My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
