She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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