I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
