If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
