I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
