i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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