The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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