i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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